| seriously. i remember as a kid halloween was dressing up as you wanted. first grade was the green power ranger, 2nd grade was Davy Crockett. 3rd grade and up they wouldnt let us choose because people were offended. once i got to college i started to realize on halloween girls dressed sexier. pretty much like fantasy whores. you see in porn vidoes. naughty nurse, naughty maid, naughty witch, naughty cop, naughty firefighter, ect. dress up as sexy as you want these days now that were older.
the thing to be careful about is the guys that dress up like girls. first college halloween party i went to i dressed like an army guy that was wounded in the eye. i was partnered up with a naughty school girl. i was playing against my friends that was a ghost buster and a 1980's pornstar. i seriously thought the naughty school girl was a girl. i was hitting on her. until about the point i realized that was an asian guys voice. it ended up being one of the guys i havent seen in a while. his name was shota. i got to know him alot more later on. but before then i only met him a few times. i was really disturbed. i didnt want to hit on anybody at that party after that. we all joke about the guy at the bar or the party hitting on a guy dressed up like a girl but even my friends thought he was a girl. until just about before i realized it. and when they thought he was they still werent sure.
well this year i dont really have a great costume so im going as a mobster. i got the tommygun and i got a cheap suit. i only need the hat which my sister ended up taking my grandpa's old hat that went well with my suit. oh well. ill snag a old cigar too to make it official. only a ride to seattle.
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| first time i ever blogged about this. well first time i ever really talked about this. lets start with the beginning well i feel almost like im an emotional drinker. when i quit chewing i started drinking more. when my ex cheated on me i started drinking more. whenever i was depressed i was drinking. whenever i was bored i was drinking. whenever i was just feeling bad about anything i was drinking. drinking makes me feel better….. lately with my arrest and my parents ive been going back to drinking. this is really hard to talk about but i need to get it out. since ive been having trouble finding a job ive been drinking. ive been drinking so much that half of the time i forget what i did the day before. i feel ashamed every day. im in the verg of being an alcoholic and it makes me feel even worse being able to lble myself as such. only time i dont drink is when i feel happy. and when i feel happy im with someone i actually love. but lately its been hard for me to love people. in my life ive been cheated on so many times. ive got my hopes up about a girl only to feel that ive been played. i could just have trust issues. either wy im cutting myself off from drinking. atleast for a few months to get my head together. i got that interview hooked up so thats start… i just hate chillin with these demons in my freezer that go good with ice. |
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| we all have at some point. im not sure about how cyber-bullying works but it sounds like a bunch of pussies talking shit over the computer. which i do all the time but its different because im never directing it to a specific person. and if i do i make sure i make up a fake name incase that person does come and see what i wrote. but nobody uses xanga so im in the clear.
starting in middle school there was this one kid. lets call him parker. he was korean and constantly on drugs. one day randomly he started talkin shit. now this guy is way smaller than me and i didnt want to get in a fight with him because i didnt want to seriously harm him and i didnt want to get in trouble with the school. well a few weeks go by where every day i get the same shit from him. ofcourse i snapped a few times. shoved him back. one day he told me to meet him outside of the school so we could finish it. well you always hear about the kid that doesnt show up because "he's smart". well i wanted to finish it so i went to the park where he said he would be at. he wasnt there. it really didnt end until another kid got involved and started bullying me too. i guess he saw how bad it was. that was the day he stopped and eventually he stood up for me a few times. but just because he stood up for me didnt mean that the bullying stopped. once we all got to high school he dropped out after the first few months. life got somewhat better. there was still my sister bullying me at home too but that was different because i knew how to end that.
how did it effect me? well it broke me down and made me a pussy. i still havent socially recovered. sometimes i remain antisocial. but it wasnt until college that i really changed. met a few people and my life pretty much got molded and better because of that.
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| i swear right when i get my hopes up about something something else shuts it down. honda was supposed to send a new gastank about a week ago so my bike would be fixed. but NOW those fuckers decided to send it a week later. so now i still dont have my bike. if those fuckers would just quit killing dolphins and whales and just fixed my fucking bike then i would be happy. after my bike is fixed they can go back to killing whatever they want.
either way this has been way too long. i want MY BIKE back. i dont want to ride my moms bike.
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| if an apology is going to be a lie. then theres no point for the apology. i would rather have a real apology than a lie.
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